I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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