If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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