There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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