i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
