Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
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Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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