Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
