Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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