So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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