so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
