thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
