hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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