Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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