i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
