i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
