I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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