No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
