You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
