When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
