I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
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I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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