I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
