I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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