Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
