He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
