I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
