someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have aggressive nipples.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize