did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize