You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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