The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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