she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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