Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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