my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im holly from the hills drunk
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
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Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"