you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.