ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
