i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
