if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
