That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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