I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
