Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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