I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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