Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
