So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
