I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
