Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
