Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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