he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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