My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
