I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
