dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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