I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
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did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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