New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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