also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
where are my eyebrows?
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