Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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