so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
