You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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