Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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