My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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