just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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