I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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