he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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